T. P. Hunter's Conquest

T. P. Hunter's Conquest, a photo by DeForestRanger on Flickr.

His real name is Tip, nicknamed for Tipperary, but it could well have been T. P. Hunter and still have been Tip for short. He has a memory like an elephant, and he is a ferocious predator.

First evidence of his hunting skills surfaced while he was still quite young. I came home one day to find the toilet paper unrolled from its spindle and strewn all over the hallway. No stranger to foiling cats who pursue this sport, I simply turned the roll around and let the tag end hang down the back. It took him only a few days to learn to grab it with his teeth instead of spinning it with a paw, and I lost another roll in tatters.

Phase Two involved putting the roll in a coffee can on the counter. It baffled him briefly until he learned to put his chin in the center hole so his fangs would sink into the soft tissue. Clearly, I had to figure out a way to out-think T. P. Hunter, and fast! I put a lid on the coffee can, but that proved to be a terrible nuisance for the human user.

Then I struck on a brainstorm. I set a cookie sheet full of marbles on the counter, placed the coffee can in the middle of it. The next time T. P. Hunter went hunting, the rolling marbles foiled him neatly. I knew, of course, that one encounter wouldn't be adequate training, so for a year or so, that's where the roll remained: in a coffee can on a cookie sheet filled with marbles on my bathroom counter. Guests were often baffled by the arrangement.

There came a point when I felt the training period was over. I removed the tray of marbles and left the t.p. in the coffee can. I assumed that T. P. Hunter had learned his lesson well. I was wrong.

Today, the upturned page of a catalog piqued his interest, and lo and behold, what else did he find? An unattended and partially used roll, easy prey for an expert! The remains were discovered somewhat later, spread from bathroom to bedroom and T. P. Hunter sitting in the bedroom doorway looking extremely pleased with himself.